In the spirit of Facebook's latest meme, here now are 25 things you probably didn't know about me:
25) I am allergic to horses, but still I find them to be noble and majestic creatures. Much like Manatees.
24) I played bass in Dire Straights from the years 1984-1986.
23) For years I wore my hair in a high-top fade style, until I saw House Party II and felt like I wasn't properly representing it.
22) In middle school I wrote a sequel to Everyone Poops called, Everyone Occasionally has Diarrhea.
21) My middle name is Elizabeth.
20) As a child, I had an imaginary friend that resembled the Sinclair Dinosaur, but he resented being compared to a gas station mascot, so we rarely discussed it.
19) I can see fourteen minutes into the future if I spin around really fast... counter-clockwise. I know, weird, right?
18) Sometimes at night I wake up screaming, but I always scream: "Here I am, Rock you like a Hurricane!"
17) When hippopotamus are upset, their sweat turns red. This ones not about me, but I thought it was interesting.
16) If I could have one super-power, it would be the ability to take away people's super-powers. If I can't have them, no one will.
15) I have yet to see any evidence that kangaroos exist.
14) In grade school my nickname was "Chompers." This wasn't because of my buckteeth but because I was so good at sports some people called me "Champers," and it was misheard by a few kids who started calling me Chompers... yeah...
13) If I could be anyone, alive or dead or fictional, I would be Richard Simmons; 'cause that guy gets all the chicks.
12) Sometimes I spell "business," "Bisness;" and sometimes I spell "steel," "steal;" but I never spell chrysanthemum wrong.
11) Had I been born a bird, I would teach myself to fly backwards. Then, when people say, "Hey! Look at the bird flying backwards!" I could respond, "Looks like I'm a bird of a different feather!" And we'd all have a good laugh.
10) In college I wrote, my daily assignments in, awkward haiku form.
9) I fain ignorance when asked where the bathroom is, but only when asked in English.
8) Politics confuses me, so years ago I learned everything I could about the Iran-Contra scandal so I had something to talk about at parties... I need to find something more topical.
7) I was the third man on the grassy knoll.
6) With a mustache, I look exactly like Don Cheadle.
5) For a summer I had a job custom painting custom vans. Needless to say, I'm now really good at airbrush-painting breasts and dragons.
4) I have a tattoo on the back of my right knee, and a tattoo on my left shoulder. When they are put side-by-side they reveal the secret location of The Lost City of Atlantis.
3) I never use flour when I cook, but I almost always use flour when I play cribbage.
2) Mini-golf courses around the country have banned me for excessive jubilation and moderate body odor.
1) I am a robot sent from the future. Does anyone know where I can find a boy named "John Connor?"
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1 comment:
25 to 19 had me rolling. When I reached 18 I literally had tears streaming down my face. Just the thought of you waking up screaming "Here I am, Rock you like a Hurricane" is hilarious. You might want to consider ending with those. Then again, I've had 4 glasses of wine and my opinion is not to be trusted.
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