So this is kind of funny, I googled my own name tonight (something I do with astounding regularity) and discovered an old blog post from my first attempt at writing a blog!
Originally, the name of this site was going to be "marcANDthecity.blogspot.com," but I set the project aside for a while and forgot about it. When I picked up writing the blog again I had forgotten all about the previous attempt! That said, I give you the very first (and only) post on marcandthecity.blogspot.com. It's about my move to New York, and the bright-eyed wonder of jaded post-graduate.
Flight to Newark
I just started writing this, but I've been meaning to start chronicling my move to NYC and the impending job search. That said, my posts won't be chronilogically accurate, but I hope that I can weave a cogent timeline about my journey. The long and short of it is that I came here with: 1) no money, 2) no job, and 3) all the passionate naivitae you'd expect from someone who moves to New York with no money and no job.
I landed in Newark, so I could stay in Hoboken for a few days with my good friend Pam, from the University of Denver Publishing Institute. I flew in expecting to sleep on a little patch of floor and was pleasently surprised when she told me her roommate was out of town and I could sleep on his bed! It was a glorious queen size bed with these incredible pillows that I would bet are the kind Brad and Angelina sleep on.
More later... I have to get out of this apartment or I'll go freakin' nuts.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Dunkin' Donuts
I usually don't go to Dunkin' Donuts. I don't like their coffee and whenever I eat donuts I feel like a big sweaty guy with coffee stains on his short-sleaved, button-down shirt, the one that's white with thin pink stripes. This sweaty guy works in a shitty little gray office and sells insurance over the phone. The office has no windows. As you can see, I've given this image a great deal of thought.
But I realized yesterday that Dunkin' Donuts has muffins. Muffins, of course! I should have known. There's a healthy snack I can enjoy that will fill me up without bringing me down!
Likely as a result of pressure from the FDA, Dunkin' Donuts has recently started putting calorie amounts on all of their products. That said, I was standing in line this morning and noticed that while a single Boston Creme donut is 280 calories, 1 chocolate chip muffin is 680 calories! WHAT?!
What the hell are you putting in those muffins, Dunkin' Donuts? Seriously, don't start serving salads, I don't even know what you'll do to those.
So I got 2 Boston Creme donuts, took them back to my window-less office, and drank some urine-flavored coffee while I looked at spreadsheets and tried to plan out my day.
America Runs on Dunkin'...
But I realized yesterday that Dunkin' Donuts has muffins. Muffins, of course! I should have known. There's a healthy snack I can enjoy that will fill me up without bringing me down!
Likely as a result of pressure from the FDA, Dunkin' Donuts has recently started putting calorie amounts on all of their products. That said, I was standing in line this morning and noticed that while a single Boston Creme donut is 280 calories, 1 chocolate chip muffin is 680 calories! WHAT?!
What the hell are you putting in those muffins, Dunkin' Donuts? Seriously, don't start serving salads, I don't even know what you'll do to those.
So I got 2 Boston Creme donuts, took them back to my window-less office, and drank some urine-flavored coffee while I looked at spreadsheets and tried to plan out my day.
America Runs on Dunkin'...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Dress Sharp, Look Smart
I dislike all clothes in all clothing stores I ever go to. Nothing ever looks good, and I have no sense of how things go together. I only look good in the colors: black, dark blue, and oddly, chartreuse. BT-dub, what's the deal with black linen pants? I mean seriously, pants are made out of linen so they're lightweight and breezy, so why would you dye them the hottest, most heat-absorbing color in existence? That's just dumb.
I have a weird frame, a good frame, for shirts (if they fit well); a really fantastic frame that houses a brilliant mind and a lovely set of teeth, but none of that matters to the clothing industry. I have a few shirts that fit me pretty well, but I have one shirt that fits me perfectly. I mean, seriously, it's like it was custom-made for me. I bought it when I was in middle school for a formal dance. It still fits, in fact, I wore it to work yesterday. It's not the best-looking shirt, but it just fits so damn well. I've never in my life found another shirt like it--and I've spent a lot of money searching. Brooks Brothers' shirts don't fit me this well, in fact, those fit me really horribly.
But this isn't constructive, not really at all. I guess I'm just frustrated. Frustrated by black linen pants, and shirts that don't fit well, and pants that tent up when I sit down at meetings. What I want is a good fit without a leopard print, I want a plain black shirt that doesn't look like something I bought at a maternity store. I want H&M to carry clothes that don't look like they're about to fall apart on the rack, I want Diesel to stop going crazy with the stitching, I want The Gap to grow a personality, I want Urban Outfitters to stop being so "indie precious," and I want Dov Charney to shave that stupid mustache.
This is my clothing manifesto. This is the moment when I start wearing jumpsuits everywhere (because you can do anything in a jump suit). Today I vow to be clean, not pretty; to be honest, and not wear superfluous zippers; to be sardonic without being sartorial. Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life, without matching socks.
I have a weird frame, a good frame, for shirts (if they fit well); a really fantastic frame that houses a brilliant mind and a lovely set of teeth, but none of that matters to the clothing industry. I have a few shirts that fit me pretty well, but I have one shirt that fits me perfectly. I mean, seriously, it's like it was custom-made for me. I bought it when I was in middle school for a formal dance. It still fits, in fact, I wore it to work yesterday. It's not the best-looking shirt, but it just fits so damn well. I've never in my life found another shirt like it--and I've spent a lot of money searching. Brooks Brothers' shirts don't fit me this well, in fact, those fit me really horribly.
But this isn't constructive, not really at all. I guess I'm just frustrated. Frustrated by black linen pants, and shirts that don't fit well, and pants that tent up when I sit down at meetings. What I want is a good fit without a leopard print, I want a plain black shirt that doesn't look like something I bought at a maternity store. I want H&M to carry clothes that don't look like they're about to fall apart on the rack, I want Diesel to stop going crazy with the stitching, I want The Gap to grow a personality, I want Urban Outfitters to stop being so "indie precious," and I want Dov Charney to shave that stupid mustache.
This is my clothing manifesto. This is the moment when I start wearing jumpsuits everywhere (because you can do anything in a jump suit). Today I vow to be clean, not pretty; to be honest, and not wear superfluous zippers; to be sardonic without being sartorial. Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life, without matching socks.
Playboy Centerfold
If I were a Playboy Centerfold, these would be the likes and dislikes to accompany the pictorial (along with some other details):
Likes:
- V-Neck T-Shirts
- Serial Dramas
- Cheerful Customer Service
Dislikes:
- Weak Handshakes
- Long Lines
- Bureaucracy
Additional Demands:
I insist on a bear-skin rug, but the bear skin must be Polar, or I walk.
The director must have a mustache, and when he's outside must always wear aviator sunglasses.
At least one picture will feature a sweater-vest (green).
Should the shoot proceed to 7:30pm, I demand a half-hour break to watch Jeopardy.
If Scott Baio shows up to the set, I'm not here and you never saw me.
The only music to be played will be "Basketball," by Kurtis Blow (on loop).
Production Rider:
(2) Boxes of Go-gurt (Blue Berry Blast flavor ONLY)
(1) Diving mask
(1) Pair flippers
(1) Snorkel
(8) Hard-boiled eggs
(1) PAAS decorating kit (NO stickers)
(4) Abyssinian Kittens
(1) Poster of Tracy Morgan wrestling a tiger
(1) DVD box-set of Mr. Show
(2) Other people's long-lost biological parents
Likes:
- V-Neck T-Shirts
- Serial Dramas
- Cheerful Customer Service
Dislikes:
- Weak Handshakes
- Long Lines
- Bureaucracy
Additional Demands:
I insist on a bear-skin rug, but the bear skin must be Polar, or I walk.
The director must have a mustache, and when he's outside must always wear aviator sunglasses.
At least one picture will feature a sweater-vest (green).
Should the shoot proceed to 7:30pm, I demand a half-hour break to watch Jeopardy.
If Scott Baio shows up to the set, I'm not here and you never saw me.
The only music to be played will be "Basketball," by Kurtis Blow (on loop).
Production Rider:
(2) Boxes of Go-gurt (Blue Berry Blast flavor ONLY)
(1) Diving mask
(1) Pair flippers
(1) Snorkel
(8) Hard-boiled eggs
(1) PAAS decorating kit (NO stickers)
(4) Abyssinian Kittens
(1) Poster of Tracy Morgan wrestling a tiger
(1) DVD box-set of Mr. Show
(2) Other people's long-lost biological parents
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Young Americans: Thoughts
I've realized that it's nigh impossible to watch an episode of Young Americans without making a drinking game out of it. But first, here are some things I've learned from Young Americans.
First, at wealthy all-boys schools there are only two classes: English and Rowing.
Rowing practices are held throughout the day, and are casual to the point where your friends can stop by and have a meaningful conversation with you in the middle of practice.
If you're constantly surrounded by boys and rarely see girls, it's difficult to determine which boys are actually girls wearing boys clothes--though the girl in boys' clothes has an extremely young, feminine-looking face, sort-of breast, and a higher than average speaking voice.
At all-boys schools there is only one teacher. This teacher is responsible for imparting all lessons of an academic nature, and generally about life.
Here's the makeshift drinking game:
+1: When Finn imparts a piece of wisdom to Will.
+1: When you see a boat.
+1: When any character rides a bike.
+1: When someone says the name of a famous writer or philosopher.
+1: When Bella is working on a car.
+1: When the Dean of Rawley Boys Academy is mentioned.
+1: When you hear Will's voice in voiceover form.
+2: When someone quotes a piece of famous writing, or quotes something a famous writer said.
+2: When you see Jake/Jacqueline wearing a bra.
+2: When you see a motorized boat of any kind.
+2: When Scout pines over Bella.
+2: When Will talks about how either he can't believe he's at Rawley, or how lucky he is about being at Rawley, or how Rawley is another world.
+2: When you see any girl other than Jacqueline or Bella.
+2: When you hear the word "scholarship."
+2: When someone sits on a dock.
+3: When any Nick Drake song plays.
+3: When you see any parent of a character other than Will's parents.
+3: When Will doles out wise advice to anyone (including Flinn).
+3: When Flinn tells Will he did a good job at something.
+3: When anyone says the words "New Rawley" together.
+3: When you see the Rawley Girls Academy.
+3: When someone talks about how they are from New Rawley and don't belong up there at Rawley (the school).
+3: When Scout professes his love for Bella (even though she's his sister).
+3: When Jake wears women's clothes.
+4: When Hamilton uses his camera.
+4: When Jake uses a computer.
+5: When you see the Dean of Rawley Boys Academy.
+5: When you see someone with an accent from a foreign country.
+5: When you see a minority.
+5: When someone orders a burger OR a Coke at Friendly's.
Finish the Bottle: When you realize all of these characters are supposed to be fifteen.
First, at wealthy all-boys schools there are only two classes: English and Rowing.
Rowing practices are held throughout the day, and are casual to the point where your friends can stop by and have a meaningful conversation with you in the middle of practice.
If you're constantly surrounded by boys and rarely see girls, it's difficult to determine which boys are actually girls wearing boys clothes--though the girl in boys' clothes has an extremely young, feminine-looking face, sort-of breast, and a higher than average speaking voice.
At all-boys schools there is only one teacher. This teacher is responsible for imparting all lessons of an academic nature, and generally about life.
Here's the makeshift drinking game:
+1: When Finn imparts a piece of wisdom to Will.
+1: When you see a boat.
+1: When any character rides a bike.
+1: When someone says the name of a famous writer or philosopher.
+1: When Bella is working on a car.
+1: When the Dean of Rawley Boys Academy is mentioned.
+1: When you hear Will's voice in voiceover form.
+2: When someone quotes a piece of famous writing, or quotes something a famous writer said.
+2: When you see Jake/Jacqueline wearing a bra.
+2: When you see a motorized boat of any kind.
+2: When Scout pines over Bella.
+2: When Will talks about how either he can't believe he's at Rawley, or how lucky he is about being at Rawley, or how Rawley is another world.
+2: When you see any girl other than Jacqueline or Bella.
+2: When you hear the word "scholarship."
+2: When someone sits on a dock.
+3: When any Nick Drake song plays.
+3: When you see any parent of a character other than Will's parents.
+3: When Will doles out wise advice to anyone (including Flinn).
+3: When Flinn tells Will he did a good job at something.
+3: When anyone says the words "New Rawley" together.
+3: When you see the Rawley Girls Academy.
+3: When someone talks about how they are from New Rawley and don't belong up there at Rawley (the school).
+3: When Scout professes his love for Bella (even though she's his sister).
+3: When Jake wears women's clothes.
+4: When Hamilton uses his camera.
+4: When Jake uses a computer.
+5: When you see the Dean of Rawley Boys Academy.
+5: When you see someone with an accent from a foreign country.
+5: When you see a minority.
+5: When someone orders a burger OR a Coke at Friendly's.
Finish the Bottle: When you realize all of these characters are supposed to be fifteen.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Young Americans
I've decided to start watching Young Americans. It was only 1 season, so I feel like it's not a terribly intense commitment. I just finished the first episode and already there's: incest, cross-dressing, computer hacking, New England sunsets, and test fraud. Man, this show is going to be awesome. I'll keep you posted.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Yell-HO Cab... See what I did there?
A'ite, I took a cab last night and the card machine wasn't working. So I swiped my card once, then twice, then tried another card, then told him his machine was broken. So the driver resets the machine, I swipe the card again, and it works.
Turns out, this morning when I check my balance, that machine (while it was telling me my card wasn't authorized) was actually charging me every time I swiped it.
So, you know, no big deal. I'll just call the cab company, show them the four charges in immediate succession, and they'll just reverse the charges, right? Nope! Apparently I have to go to court to dispute the charges! In order to file a complaint you have to file a formal complaint, which involves receipt information (cabs never EVER give you receipts), then go to court and testify about how the cab company wronged you.
What the F? How does this make sense? Isn't it a company? Isn't there someone I can call who isn't a call center automaton who would be like, "Oh, this is obviously not right. Here is your money back--beep, boop, boop. Problem solved." This city is just fucking out of control sometimes with its beurocracy and excessive taxes.
On the phone while I talked to the woman telling me I'd have to file a court date I appealed to her sense of logic and she tried transferring me to the actual cab and limosine comission (because apparently the complaint number online doesn't actually go to the cab commision--which they failed to tell me initially). But, of course, the cab and limosine commission call center is only open Monday - Friday... so I'll have to wait until Monday to argue with a bored person on a headset and convince them that they have stolen $45.00 from me.
I can't wait.
Turns out, this morning when I check my balance, that machine (while it was telling me my card wasn't authorized) was actually charging me every time I swiped it.
So, you know, no big deal. I'll just call the cab company, show them the four charges in immediate succession, and they'll just reverse the charges, right? Nope! Apparently I have to go to court to dispute the charges! In order to file a complaint you have to file a formal complaint, which involves receipt information (cabs never EVER give you receipts), then go to court and testify about how the cab company wronged you.
What the F? How does this make sense? Isn't it a company? Isn't there someone I can call who isn't a call center automaton who would be like, "Oh, this is obviously not right. Here is your money back--beep, boop, boop. Problem solved." This city is just fucking out of control sometimes with its beurocracy and excessive taxes.
On the phone while I talked to the woman telling me I'd have to file a court date I appealed to her sense of logic and she tried transferring me to the actual cab and limosine comission (because apparently the complaint number online doesn't actually go to the cab commision--which they failed to tell me initially). But, of course, the cab and limosine commission call center is only open Monday - Friday... so I'll have to wait until Monday to argue with a bored person on a headset and convince them that they have stolen $45.00 from me.
I can't wait.
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