Match.com

I decided to try the whole match.com thing and see how it turns out. I'm not going into it expecting much, so we'll see what happens. I'll post my profile on here and welcome feedback about whatever I put up there. Shoot, it's kind of like YOU'RE getting to put up a match.com profile... through me... you're welcome.

Some things occured to me while I was looking through the existing profiles of people for free--as per the match.com advertisments that say "looking's free" (I'm paraphrasing, but the sentiment was the same). During my focused search of agnostic girls who aren't fatties, I found 9 pages of potential soul-mates. Most didn't make it past the initial, "am I even physically attracted to this person" phase. The ones who did were few and far between, maybe 4-6, so I'm not terribly hopeful. And with that, I realized that match.com is kind of like cars.com. You go through, search based on perameters, and immediately discount the ones that aren't sexy enough.

There's this winking system too. If you "like" someone, you wink at them to let them know you're interested. I'm not going to lie, I posted an introductory profile, just to see if there were any instant results. I winked at one person (winking is free too, I haven't paid anything yet), and I waited for so long. It was horrible, it was like a Facebook nightmare where you're constantly checking to see if someone has written on your wall, or played their Scrabulous turn. After three days with no mutual winks I gave up and felt this severe sense of rejection.

We've now automated rejection so you don't even have to look at someone in the face to do it. And it stings because it's even more impersonal. I, of course, immediately assumed she was a bitch and moved on, but a lesser man would take it personally, maybe mope around a bit, stay up late and watch TV they don't care about, write anonymous rap ballads with lyrics like, "girl, you take me to the moon, make me swoon, make me want to spoon." You know, a lesser man would do something like that...

So we'll see, if I can come up with a profile that is charming, witty, and non-threatening (with your help). Maybe I'll shell out the $40/month for 1 month, $22/month for 3 months, or $19/month for 6 months. I don't know, this could work. I just heard a great story about someone I know who knows someone who met a guy on match.com with a motorcycle who seems pretty OK. I don't have a motorcycle, but I have a view of the Verrazano Bridge, a loft bed, and am friends with some guys who own a hip-hop clothing store downstairs...

Here's where you can help. These are the fields that I have to complete for my match.com profile. No holds barred, be as honest, ridiculous, or just plain mean-spirited--it's all fair game. Here they are, and thanks:

Your dating headline (Here's match.com's explanation of what this is: This is an important piece of real estate, because it’s the only chance people will have to hear your “voice”—your personality—before they decide to click for more… or read on to the next Portrait. So start smart with these ideas.)

Describe yourself and your perfect match to our community.
What do you do for fun?
Favorite local hot spots or travel destinations.
Favorite things?
What's the last thing you read?