8 Hours of "Beauty and the Geek"

What a day! Last night was the Newscorp Party, so today I woke up at about 11:30--completely unprepared to do anything productive. Julianne had the tv on and was watching one of my favorite shows of all time, "Beauty and the Geek." Moreover, this was the season I didn't get to see, Season 3! I actually did have a chance to watch it, but Cecille was so mean and dumb all the time that I just chose not to watch it.

I sat down on the couch and started to watch. After the first episode I was hooked, and quickly asked if it was a marathon... it was. Here's my recap of the 8 hours I spent today watching "Beauty and the Geek," Season 3. I'll begin with episode 1, which I've titled: The Vagina Monologues.

Episode 1 began with the "beauties" challenge, which involved interviewing one the authors of HarperCollins' Freakonomics, Stephan Dubner. Of course, none of the beauties read the book, save for the occasional girl who read the flap copy. Obviously none of them knew anything about the book, and I kept waiting to hear one of them ask, "So for our viewers who are unfamiliar with the book, could you summarize the basic idea behind Freakonomics?" Ultimately, Sheree was the only one to ask this question, she also won. I'd make such a good beauty. Probably the high point of the competition, though, was when it was Cecille's turn to interview Stephan Dubner. Obviously, of all the beauties, Cecille made the least effort to read the book at all, and it showed in her interview. When Dubner came out, the first question Cecille asked: "I think names are really interesting, what do you think of me based on my name, Ceci?" To which Dubner responded, "Well, I think you probably came from a family in a high-income bracket..."

Wow. One of the judges asked, "Is this girl for real?" No... no she's not.

Another great moment was when Tori sat down to begin her interview, and rather than reading aloud off the teleprompter to introduce Dubner, she read silently as the words scrolled by... twice. I'm pretty certain, also, that the producers thought it would be funny to add the word "enigmatic" to the teleprompter opening, which no one pronounced correctly--except the winner of the challenge.

When the "geeks" challenge came up, we learned that they had to create and perform a stand-up act at LA's famous Laugh Factory. I didn't see much of their practicing for the challenge, but I did get the chance to see Drew rehearse his intro that went as follows:

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm Drew and today I'm going to... (really long pause)." Just say what you're going to do, Drew. You're probably going to tell some jokes, perhaps make some witty observations about men/women, Blacks/Whites, Geeks/Beauties, Star Trek/Star Wars, right? I felt for the guy, but it was just brutal watching him flub the easiest part of his act in front of only his teammate. His act, when performed, was generally pretty unmemorable, but he didn't freeze up like that again (I think).

And at least he didn't just start swearing! Oh my God! Here we have Piao (a geek because he's only kissed one girl and constantly smiled like he didn't know what was going on), who rather than telling jokes just started saying really vulgar things! I thought it was fucking hysterical, simply because he seems like such a shy, geeky guy and you'd never expect it. But they weren't really jokes, so much as really shocking statements, and hey, there's already one Carlos Mencia. I mean come on though, he opened his act by pointing at a guy in the audience and saying, "You look like a guy who knows what good p**** tastes like." Hahaha! That's some funny shit, but the audience definately wasn't prepared for it.

My favorite performance was Nate's, which began my love affair with him. His act was really well thought out and clever. He had this bit about how if he invented allergies he would have given people allergies to big scary things, like tigers and sharks--rather than microbes and particulates. So when you're walking through the jungle and you get a rash, you know there's a tiger around. You're swimming in an ocean and your skin itches, and you know there much be a shark nearby, oh, and I have a rash... it must be a TIGER SHARK! Good stuff. The only way that joke could have been better is if he observed that Tiger Sharks know what good p**** tastes like...

Nate won, obviously. An honorable mention should also go to Mario, who made a joke about Mario Brothers getting in your head when you're getting it on with a girl. It's funny 'cause it's true. Here's the thing about Nate though, I really feel like he was unfairly chosen for the competition. Great guy, but he was already the lead singer of a band, which we later see is very energetic and rockin'. Obviously he would (and did) dominate all the challenges that required being outgoing. I mean, we find out later that stand-up is actually a hobby of his! A good geek's hobbies should include things like: LARPing, latin studies, writing software that calculates the plausability of Star Trek episodes, and chronic masturbation.

The show ended with the little triva challenge part that I don't really care about and don't ever remember, and Sanjay and Tori were sent home.

There was a little montage of their short time in the house that included a clip where Sanjay was screaming wildly in the air while 3 of the girls had their backs turned. It wasn't aggressive though, and they were laughing, so I don't know what the hell was going on. I'll have to check this out. Maybe I'll email him about it. Geeks love email (marc@marinthecity.com).

So concluded "Beauty and the Geek," Season 3; Episode 1: The Vagina Monologues. Check back soon for highlights from Episode 2!