Apartment Brokers: Today the Hot Water Didn't Work

This morning, probably the coldest day I've experienced in New York thus far, our apartment had no hot water. This is actually the second time we haven't had hot water. The first time we were without hot water was the second day we were all moved in. Between that, and the then problem of a crappy low-flow showerhead, showering was a nightmare. But soon we got got a better showerhead and even sooner we got hot water back. For a while there showers were pretty sweet, with both adequete pressure and a surplus of heated water, things were great. Those were the carefree days, the halcyon days, the zestfully clean days. But then, this morning--the morning after the longest day ever (see above)--I wake to find no hot water.

Additionally, the thermostat in our apartment is only for show, as our bedrooms were all freezing cold. And the buzzer doesn't work. Peeps have to call on cell phones when they get to the apartment. But that's just a big list of complaints to bring me to my next point, and probably the first really big thing I noticed that was different about New York vs. Seattle (or any city in which I've lived). Apartment Brokers.

I got my apartment in Seattle from driving around and looking at vacancy signs. I called a phone number on a sign and the next day I was looking at really nice 1-bedroom in a lovely area of town. On the way home I called them from the car and told them I'd take it. Inside of 24 hours I had looked at several apartments, spoke to several very friendly apartment managers, and found where I would live for the next year. Easy peezy, nice and easy.

But oh, my friend, looking for an apartment in the NYC was so much different. They have these things called "apartment brokers." They're like real estate agents for apartments. Basically, they take a month of your annual rent (for the apartment of your choosing) for unlocking a door and letting you look around. It's the biggest scam in the world, and it's disgusting that these people exist, especially since their job can be done by a single, well-managed internet database.

Here's the thing though. In New York, because there are so many sleezy real estate people there are A LOT of shitholes. Typically, a reputable apartment broker won't represent a shithole because it reflects poorly on them (there, or course, are unreputable brokers). So if you go with a bigger broker, like Citi Habitats, you'll find something nicer. Because the landlord has to go through official channels of posting a vacancy, and the reputations of so many people are involved, the listed apartment will usually be maintained and not bad. Some people would say, then, that it's worth it to use a broker. You can try to avoid brokers, and sometimes can successfully, but if you use our case as an example, it's hard to tell how bad a property manager will be.

Our building owner showed us the apartment himself. He owns several properties all over Brooklyn. We later found out that he really focuses on commercial properties and is only renting these apartments because he bought the building to bail out a friend. He seemed like a silly old straight-shooter kinda' guy, no frills, no bullshit, just a decent dude... that was wrong. Because he did extensive remodeling to the building, he asked for 2 MONTHS security deposit (which may or may not be illegal). Incidentally, my security deposit for the place I mentioned in Seattle was $100.00 total. We also discovered after we signed the lease that it was not for 1 year (like most leases), but that it was actually for 2! We didn't notice this, but since 1 year is the standard for most leases, and there was no mention of a 2 year lease we didn't even consider it as a possibility. When confronted about this, the owner said, "because of the extensive rennovations I can't do a short-term lease." SHORT-TERM? A year is not short term! Especially since we could all die tomorrow.

And we keep getting tickets for trash that's put out on the wrong day that isn't ours! There's no dumpster because the building is too small. Because we're responsible for the curb in front of the building, whoever keeps putting trash out while we're gone at work (or late at night when we can't see them) is racking us up tickets! No one knows where this trash is coming from, it's like, God's trash or something. This mystical refuse that sort of appears at opportune times (like when the bored beat cop is walking by).

Incidentally, the same cop is always writing the tickets, and he ALWAYS writes them as thus: "I did see bags outside on a non-collection day." I DID see? What are you, Mark Twain? Is the next ticket going to read: "I do declare! There be bags of trash out yonder, and on a non-collection day! My stars, Maybelle, ye betta' git them bags outta' her'!"

So what am I saying here with all of this? Finding a good apartment in New York is difficult. If you find one that's tolerable, keep it for as long as you can (because if you move you might have to pay another broker's fee). That said, if you find an apartment that you love, hold on to it for dear life. Seriously, defend it like it's the last human stronghold in 28 Days Later. But hey, to be honest, our place isn't that bad. It's in a great neighborhood, and it IS newly remodeled. We could have got a MUCH worse landlord. It's just an integral difference in the quality of life (QOL) in New York vs. Seattle. And that's not to say that where you live completely embodies your overall QOL, it's just something to consider. You can have trees, and attentive management, and cheap security deposits in Seattle, but certainly there are things you can only have in New York.