I usually don't go to Dunkin' Donuts. I don't like their coffee and whenever I eat donuts I feel like a big sweaty guy with coffee stains on his short-sleaved, button-down shirt, the one that's white with thin pink stripes. This sweaty guy works in a shitty little gray office and sells insurance over the phone. The office has no windows. As you can see, I've given this image a great deal of thought.
But I realized yesterday that Dunkin' Donuts has muffins. Muffins, of course! I should have known. There's a healthy snack I can enjoy that will fill me up without bringing me down!
Likely as a result of pressure from the FDA, Dunkin' Donuts has recently started putting calorie amounts on all of their products. That said, I was standing in line this morning and noticed that while a single Boston Creme donut is 280 calories, 1 chocolate chip muffin is 680 calories! WHAT?!
What the hell are you putting in those muffins, Dunkin' Donuts? Seriously, don't start serving salads, I don't even know what you'll do to those.
So I got 2 Boston Creme donuts, took them back to my window-less office, and drank some urine-flavored coffee while I looked at spreadsheets and tried to plan out my day.
America Runs on Dunkin'...
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Seriously, who goes to a McDonalds or a Dunkin' Donuts thinking to themselves, "I'm really going to keep an eye on my caloric intake. Oh, look a vendor that distributes assorted deep fried doughs covered in frosting and rainbow sprinkles, those look awfully healthy. Wow, and at only 800 calories a bite!" Let's be honest here, who the crap is really gaining anything from these calorie listings on the menus? All it does is add to the guilt when I consume a Big Mac with bacon, extra sauce, Supersize Large fries and a Diet Coke. Now I get the bonus of personal shame when I find myself at these establishments. Hell, the salads will kill you there!
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